Today I am taking on the issue of the (sadly, not rare) ANGRY and nasty commenters on social media platforms, specific to fiber arts sites. Part of my shock when I encounter this is likely due to the warm connection I have to crocheting and knitting because my grandmother was the one who got me started on my lifelong yarn journey. This has created an (admittedly foolish) expectation that everyone who crochets or knits is a warm and fuzzy person.

I’m generally not that naive in the rest of my life, and thanks to the vagaries of social media, I’m quickly learning not to be so simple when it comes to fiber arts.

Just this afternoon, I replied to a post in the Crochet thread on Reddit, and ended up being attacked for what I posted. For some context, here is the ORIGINAL/main post:

Here was my comment/post/reply:

“I sometimes “rescue” crocheted, knitted of quilted blankets. It seems like they shouldn’t end up in the local Goodwill shop. More intentionally curated thrift stores are different, but it always makes me sad to see them in Goodwill and similar stores.”

This post received 27 down votes, which surprised me.

Here was the FIRST reply to that comment: (not the original author of the post)

“This is incredibly pretentious and gatekeepy. Don’t sell it to the hoi-polloi.

Treasured keepsakes get a lovely second life through Goodwill– there are 100s of posts on here wherr [sic] someone was absolutely thrilled to find a beautiful crochet item to love. Why should lovely handmade items only be accessible to those who can afford “intentionally curated thrift stores” (which are much more expensive)? Poor people can love and appreciate a crochet item as well (if not better) than someone with money.”

I foolishly thought I could correct their assumptions that my opinion was based in a class distinction, so I replied to them as such:

“A lot of Goodwill items end up in landfills too. I see your point. I’m guessing there are a few angles to this issue.

Also, I didn’t say that no one should donate them, but that it made me sad to see things (that I understand how long it took to make), seemingly cast off. I say “seemingly” because I understand that everyone has a different take on places like Goodwill.”

This one received 9 down votes.

She (I’m making an assumption here) shot back – almost immediately.

“Half of what is sold ends up in landfills. Target doesn’t sell all of whatever decor kitsch they had for that season? Clearance and then dump. All food had a date on it but not all of it goes bad, so 1000s of pounds of food end up in the dumpster every week. People clean their houses and can’t be bothered to donate? Dumpster.

This is NOT a Goodwill thing, it’s a humanity thing. Saying “there are angles” sounds very much like you think Goodwill is beneath you and so it ires you to see “your craft” being sold there.”

These were all posted by the same, obviously angry, person. I was going to leave it alone, but decided to try one last time to insert some decency into the conversation, so I wrote the following:

“Sorry you feel that way. I don’t think any one or any thing is “beneath” me. My original response post was simply me expressing my sadness at the work put into handmade items and then seeing them in the thrift stores.

I’ve worked for years on grant funded projects between our Community College and the local Goodwill organization to support its mission of helping people find employment. I also promote a Goodwill sponsored training website when I teach an intro to computer skills class to adult learners. If anything, I’m a Goodwill cheerleader, but again – sorry that you interpreted my post in that manner.”

I was shaking my head and wondering about what kind of critter must have peed in her Cornflakes this morning when I recalled previous instances where someone on a fiber arts site was a jerk, such as when I recently acquired a crocheted blanket with a pattern that I am interested in (and could not locate). I had posted it in another Reddit thread for patterns. Regular readers may recognize the photo below, which is the one I used to ask if anyone knew the pattern name or where I could find it.

One “lovely” human being chose to question if I even knew how to crochet, since the photo was upside down. I didn’t answer her.

I’ve been around the block enough times that I recognize these behaviors for what they are: unresolved mental health issues. That is not the surprise, but the prevalence of it within fiber arts communities is giving me some pause for thought.

I am a big fan of the mental health benefits of crocheting, knitting and other fiber arts activities, but it sure doesn’t seem to be working for some of these folks. The first commenter I highlighted in this post says on her profile that she is a “former early childhood and elementary school teacher“. Yikes!

Her history seems to indicate that she comments multiple times, every day. Not all of them are snarky, but enough of them are to show that this issue is persistent.

I did some reading and discovered that this is a well-recognized pattern on social media. The Reddit thread about the crochet blankets at Goodwill and the angry/snarky responder to my comments highlighted a common phenomenon: it’s a classic example of someone carrying an unrelated emotional load and who latched onto a single phrase in someone else’s post or reply as evidence of a larger injustice that they already feel primed to fight.

While my first comment was gentle, sentimental and craft-centered, the “teacher” appears to have read it as me saying that “Goodwill is low class“, “poor people don’t deserve nice things” and “handmade items belong in fancy curated shops“.

• I think the phrase “curated thrift shops” may have been the trigger

I didn’t say any of those things, but that’s what she “heard” when she read it because she already had a mental folder labeled “people who look down on thrift stores and poor people” and was triggered by my comment.

Her continued escalation of the nastiness was not a normal reaction to a mild comment about feeling sad over handmade items. She is clearly ANGRY as evidenced by her use of the terms/words “hoi polloi,” “beneath you,” “pretentious,” and “gatekeepy”. This tells me that she has a history of feeling judged for being poor or not having enough. It suggests that she grew up with (and has not healed) class shame and has been treated badly by elitism in craft or maker spaces. She clearly sees Goodwill as a lifeline and not a place where things are “dumped“.

I apparently touched a “bruise” that she carries related to these things, and she snapped. She went on to interpret every clarification I tried to make as further evidence of my elitism.

• I said “there are angles to this” but she heard: “I’m smarter and more nuanced than you”
• I said “I’ve worked with Goodwill for years” but she heard “I’m trying to prove I’m better”
• I said “I didn’t mean it that way” but she heard “You’re too sensitive”

I feel badly for this person, but we are all responsible for healing our own stuff. We are NOT excused when we unload on people – especially unwitting strangers – for things we need to deal with through therapy or some meditation and self-awareness exercises.

The biggest surprise to me is that my intention of commenting in support of the time, talent, care and love that goes into so many fiber arts creations was derailed by an angry person, which is sad – for the fiber arts community in general, but mostly, sad for her.

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